


Gift Horse

by shamebucket



Category: Togainu no Chi
Genre: A severely wrongs B; B forgives or is angry forever; relationship permanently altered, M/M, Mild Emetophobia Warning, Past Character Death, Past Drug Use, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29017341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamebucket/pseuds/shamebucket
Summary: In Keisuke's heart of hearts, he knows that he should be thankful for what he has. He has a roof over his head, a job, a life to live free and easy despite his past crimes. And he has Akira. Above all else, he has Akira.
Relationships: Akira/Keisuke (Togainu no Chi)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13
Collections: Bulletproof 20/21





	Gift Horse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brightabandon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightabandon/gifts).



Keisuke turns the wrench, tightening a bolt. 

Akira is talking with the boss around a meter behind him. The boss scolds Akira for being clumsy, and Akira stands there and takes it. "Yes, sir. Of course, sir." So different than the Akira that Keisuke knew back in the CFC, different than the Akira that Keisuke fell in love with back in the orphanage. Still, he's Akira. Toshima changed him, that's all. 

Keisuke's changed too, of course. It's odd being the one that is faster, more agile, stronger. He always thought that he was the weak one. Perhaps, in some ways, he is still the weak one. There are ghosts that follow him that Akira cannot see, and they wish to drag Keisuke down. But Keisuke won't allow that. Akira wants Keisuke to take responsibility for his actions... and Keisuke at least owes Akira that much. 

A bead of sweat trickles down Keisuke's temple, and he brushes it aside with his grease-stained glove. 

He places the wrench down.

~*~

In Keisuke's heart of hearts, he knows that he should be thankful for what he has. He has a roof over his head, a job, a life to live free and easy despite his past crimes. And he has Akira. Above all else, he has Akira.

When they had arrived in Nikkouren together, a part of Keisuke had expected Akira to run away, since that's how it always used to be. He would have chased Akira, as he always had. He would have lagged behind, as he always did. But that didn't happen. "I could help pay your rent once I have enough money," Keisuke offered when they had moved into their tiny apartment, barely large enough for a refrigerator and a futon. 

Akira had sighed, his cheeks puffed out in annoyance, and shook his head. "You really don't get it, do you?" 

Keisuke wasn't sure he did. Still isn't sure he does. It's hard to understand why Akira would want to stay by him after everything he did - there are times that Keisuke desperately wishes that he could run away from his past like the coward he feels like he is deep inside. 

But he can't. When he's asleep, he sees it all again. Blood splattering the walls, the taste of iron and raw meat heady on the back of his tongue. He can feel it pulsing around his arms, squishy and viscous, as he pulls it out. He hears them crying, begging. Akira, too. Akira, beneath him, cold and still and bleeding and yet so perfect, so beautiful, exactly right in all the ways that Keisuke had fantasized about - 

Oftentimes, Keisuke barely makes it to the toilet when he wakes. Akira watches him as he brushes his teeth and wipes his mouth, his expression firm but not uncaring. He opens the window. A fresh breeze blows through their apartment, clearing out the scent of death. (It lingers in the back of Keisuke's throat, but anything is an improvement. Sometimes he thinks that he'd drown without Akira.) "Good night," is all that Akira says before rolling over, his back facing Keisuke. 

Keisuke stares at the ceiling, his mind creating patterns out of nothing in the dark. Akira doesn't coddle him, doesn't tell him that it's okay (because they both know that it isn't), but his presence is usually enough to stave off the nightmares for the rest of the night.

(Usually.)

~*~

It's complicated, but it really isn't all bad.

Both Akira and Keisuke work six days a week at the repair shop, and their days off don't often align. However, the days that they do share together are filled with a joy that Keisuke had only ever dreamed of, had never thought would actually be possible. They spend days together at small cafes, or visiting the beach, or simply sitting around their apartment. Keisuke tries to cook, and Akira keeps him from burning the entire building down. Sometimes they even go to Bl@ster matches together, and it feels both oddly nostalgic and very strange to have Akira standing alongside Keisuke as he watches. Keisuke isn't just watching Akira longingly from afar anymore; they are side by side. They might not hold hands in public or kiss or hug where others can see them, but Keisuke knows that Akira loves him back (even if he doesn't always understand why). Akira is Akira in that he isn't as emotionally demonstrative as Keisuke used to fantasize, but that doesn't mean that he isn't loving or kind. He just has his own way of showing it. 

Nikkouren is healing. Two major wars have marred its landscape and its people, but it persists. Akira is the same way. In Nikkouren, Akira can be anyone. Motomi keeps tabs on them, ensures that nobody is after Akira and his blood, but there isn't much need. Neither of them had much opportunity before, but both of them can be normal men here. 

In some ways, Keisuke hasn't changed, despite Akira's insistence that he has. He still chases after Akira, desperately trying to keep up with his new emotional maturity. There are days where he doesn't think that it's worth it, or that he doesn't deserve the life that he has - he should have died in some alley somewhere, the aftershocks of his drug addiction giving him a swift yet merciless death. 

But Akira ensured that he wouldn't die back there, and Keisuke has to keep living. Both to honor the people who he killed... and due to Akira's stubborn insistence. 

So he does.

~*~

"I'm sorry, it's not very good."

Akira scowls at Keisuke as he places the plate of omurice in front of him after a long day at the shop. Keisuke fussed over it, making sure to chop the vegetables just so, but his hand slipped when seasoning so he's not very confident in the taste. "I haven't eaten it yet. Don't apologize." 

"Sor- ah, right." Keisuke sits down on the opposite side of their table, scratching the back of his head. He thinks he might have over-seasoned it, but... maybe that's not a bad thing? They're so used to eating Solids that maybe the extra salt will taste normal to Akira. Real eggs are more delicate than his favorite flavor of pre-packaged meal bar, but... 

Akira isn't the type to smile much, but there's a small sparkle in his eye when he swallows the first bite. He eats ravenously, and ends up scraping the plate clean with his spoon. 

Keisuke snorts, a fond smile playing at his lips. Even though Akira has always seemed like the cooler one between them, his childish side is one of the things that Keisuke has really grown to love about him. "I'm really happy you liked it, Akira." 

"It was good," Akira says slowly, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm. The sun sets behind Akira, casting his grey hair with a golden hue. 

Keisuke's eyes widen as he remembers - Toshima, Akira's cool expression, Akira telling Keisuke that he was a fool for joining Igura, that he should go home. How Keisuke refused. How he said he would follow Akira to the ends of the earth, even if it meant that he would die in the process. 

"Keisuke." 

He snaps out of it and gazes upon Akira, his best friend, his lover, his life. His face is relaxed, peaceful. "What's up?" 

"I think I'm happy," Akira says at length. "Is that strange?" 

Sehnsucht grips Keisuke's heart. He thinks back to his past self, who would have yearned to hear those words any number of times. He thinks of the people who will never hear those words again. He thinks of Akira, _Akira_ , who is here in front of him and smiling and _so much_. 

Keisuke places his hand over Akira's, and their fingers link. "Maybe it is, but in that case I'm weirder."


End file.
